Thursday, August 23, 2007

我非常地不肯定

早晨醒来,才发现夜里流了很多血,每次过于紧张,都是这样的。

本来,Tom 谈奖金的事情,后来,又因为要做middle term review, 我的心又马上黯淡了。我们都有些失望,他认为我做得不够好,我也这样认为。我很直率地说,我有些失去hope, 对自己怀疑,不知能不能达到他的期望。但实在说,这份工作就是这般艰难,比我以往的工作要艰难10倍。没有足够的经验,就要独当一面,谁不是每周工作55-60小时?而且,我不敢直接告诉他我对他有非常失望的一面。美国人自私,一切替自己想,又短视,我当初对他说我需要什麽,他就是不听,不给我机会。可他是老板,永远正确。

下了班,心里非常难受,走得很慢,有一种深邃的孤独和失败感。在这个城市里生活10年了,一路艰辛,这条路上的挫折太多了,虽然每次都挺过来,可付出的挣扎是辛酸的。我非常地不肯定,是不是再应该坚持下去。

很想和一个人说说这些,但我又知道,没人要听, 每个人都有自己的日子要过。想到这里,非常sad。 走到终点的路是无人相伴的。也知道我的悲伤是因为我全心全意,尽心尽力,可两手空空。

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Chat with FuSheng

Ju:OMG, I just love St dude and 行人, doesn't matter whether they are right or wrong, they certainly know how to make their point. Cafe is more and more interesting:-)

FuSheng:I have to admit that I love st dude slightly better. 行人 occasionally loses his grip but st dude never, although they are equally persistent:)) They both are cute.

Ju: Yes, compare to st dude, touche is just as that boy who holds his little dick. (The picture St dude just posted :-) Gosh!

FuSheng: Hahaha, oh, lord, that's what touche is in your mind? Poor touche ... Now I have sympathy for him :)) btw, I know this touche used to be devil, as alluded by you more than once, but is he also that legendary gadfly?

Ju:Yes, he is gadfly :-) I feel all my hard work paid off since now we have more and more intelligent people,it will be better and better.like snow ball :-)

FuSheng: Somehow I don't have a clear impression of wukong as he often appears together with 行人 so I sometimes mix them up. I'll put him in the same league as 行人 but less persistent, good for him :)

Ju:I thought wukong is a teammate of touche :-)

FuSheng: Really? I'll pay more attention to wukong. Somehow touche always jumps out so I thought he was unique :) I'm very curious what touche's reaction would be if he knew how you portrayed him :)) Will we have the pleasure to see that at the cafe?

Ju: I guess I need a majia to do it, but if so, it won't be too dramatic :-) I'll think about it :-)
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Ju: haaa, I did it in the name of God :-) he is really annoying :-)

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